"They tend to be your average nice guy who has a more nurturing and passive personality. These men are unlikely to be socially aggressive or competitive and tend to lack insight into their personal relationships, which may explain why so many of these men are thrown for a loop when their ex throws them under the bus — even when she’s made threats throughout their marriage to call 911 and have him arrested (Wakefield & Underwager, 1990).
Additionally, these men, because of their sensitive and caring natures, may be more vulnerable to relationships with needy and manipulative women. Once in a relationship with a high-conflict (HCP) and/or abusive personality disordered woman (APDI), they may behave somewhat passively as they continue to naively hope that everything will magically work out in the end." Dr Tara J. Palmatier
Click here to see the whole article....
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Listening to the small voice within...
I came across this article below today and it is the second confirmation that I have after all not made a silly decision when I left my job. "For New Zealanders, the top five "Dream Employers" were Google, being self-employed, Air New Zealand, Apple and Kiwibank."
Apart from Google and Apple I've tried the rest. I left AirNZ early this year for several reasons. I was not happy with the nature of the position I had; I was going through a tough time with my personal life; I was denied my annual allocation for EAP but I know that this has got nothing to do with the company policy (but more so with the people just above me); initially I only wanted to stay for a year because I am not an office person and I was spending more than I am making because I suffer from a travel bug and I almost blew all my money away hopping onto a plane each time I had available annual leave. And although I was entitled to cheap fares I was digging into my savings because my pay was just enough to cover my rent, my petrol and food each week. I did not want to survive from paycheck to paycheck and thought there must be something better out there! The only way I could stop spending my savings was to stop being tempted to fly. So I decided to quit my job and retrain in a trade where I feel passionate about and where I could be my own boss. A passion I have had for a long time is to deal with my clients face to face and nurture a professional relationship with them. I loved the company and for what it stands for. The CEO, Mr Rob Fyfe is an awesome man and a great inspiration and I hope he will when he leaves AirNZ become our Prime Minister! Most of the people I worked with were wonderful apart from those whose head had become too bloated! For Kiwibank, again an awesome company to work for and I just happened to also work under an awesome manager. Just to clarify I was with NZ Post; my manager was the Kiwibank personnel. At the end of the day no matter how great the company you work for if your position is not what your heart desires, you won't be happy and there is no torture worse than having to force yourself to go to a place every single day just because of the pay check.
So if this is an indication that I am headed for the right path; (a better employer...lol) this is early Christmas bonus for me! Read on or to go to the original article please click here
Half of Kiwi workers want to quit - survey
By Jamie Morton5:30 AM Wednesday Sep 21, 2011
Take a memo, bosses - pay packets aren't everything when it comes to keeping the troops happy.
That is the finding of an employment study which also reveals that almost half of us are looking to quit our jobs within a year and only a third would recommend their employer to others.
The Dream Employers Survey, carried out by Insync Surveys and workplace consultants RedBalloon, compared responses from more than 7100 New Zealand and Australian workers.
It produced some quirky findings, including a general desire among workers, especially Generation Xers, to work for celebrities.
The top three were Sir Richard Branson, Donald Trump and Oprah Winfrey.
For New Zealanders, the top five "Dream Employers" were Google, being self-employed, Air New Zealand, Apple and Kiwibank.
Google had competitive base pay, equity and bonuses and last year gave a 10 per cent pay rise to all its employees.
But it wasn't just the money workers liked - the internet giant also offered unique rewards including massages, fun off-site events and even sleep pods.
While pay, benefits and conditions were the top factors that made a "dream employer", most respondents valued a good work-life balance and work culture over salary.
RedBalloon founding director Naomi Simson said the finding should give a warning to companies that focused on fatter pay packets.
"Paying people fairly is an absolute must, but cash rewards don't inspire employee loyalty," she said.
Studies had shown that non-monetary incentives were more highly valued, and were much more powerful than cash in boosting performance.
"The employee feelgood generated by a pay rise only lasts as long as it takes for the extra cash to be swallowed by the mortgage or credit card payment," Ms Simson said.
"Those who put all their eggs in the salary basket will pay the price with higher staff turnover rates, and reduced productivity from disengaged staff."
Pay was the biggest drawcard for men, while a good workplace culture was more important to women.
Asked what they most wanted to improve about their workplace, employees' top gripes were "systems and processes" (41 per cent), communication (39 per cent), and rewards and recognition (38 per cent).
Only 40 per cent were happy in their job, 45 per cent were planning to look for another within the next year, and only 33 per cent would recommend their employer.
Human Resources Institute of New Zealand national president Catherine Taylor was not surprised by the findings, having seen similar figures in other recent reports.
She agreed employers needed to look beyond salary if they wanted to reduce staff turnover.
"These days, you can definitely see far more legwork being put into making working hours flexible around employees."
Employers Chamber of Commerce HR consultant Debbie Yates said movie tickets and dinner vouchers could be all that was needed to reward good workers and ensure they felt valued.
By Jamie Morton | Email Jamie
PS: just to give you an idea why Google is a dream employer check out their working environments here or here or here
That is the finding of an employment study which also reveals that almost half of us are looking to quit our jobs within a year and only a third would recommend their employer to others.
The Dream Employers Survey, carried out by Insync Surveys and workplace consultants RedBalloon, compared responses from more than 7100 New Zealand and Australian workers.
It produced some quirky findings, including a general desire among workers, especially Generation Xers, to work for celebrities.
The top three were Sir Richard Branson, Donald Trump and Oprah Winfrey.
For New Zealanders, the top five "Dream Employers" were Google, being self-employed, Air New Zealand, Apple and Kiwibank.
Google had competitive base pay, equity and bonuses and last year gave a 10 per cent pay rise to all its employees.
But it wasn't just the money workers liked - the internet giant also offered unique rewards including massages, fun off-site events and even sleep pods.
While pay, benefits and conditions were the top factors that made a "dream employer", most respondents valued a good work-life balance and work culture over salary.
RedBalloon founding director Naomi Simson said the finding should give a warning to companies that focused on fatter pay packets.
"Paying people fairly is an absolute must, but cash rewards don't inspire employee loyalty," she said.
Studies had shown that non-monetary incentives were more highly valued, and were much more powerful than cash in boosting performance.
"The employee feelgood generated by a pay rise only lasts as long as it takes for the extra cash to be swallowed by the mortgage or credit card payment," Ms Simson said.
"Those who put all their eggs in the salary basket will pay the price with higher staff turnover rates, and reduced productivity from disengaged staff."
Pay was the biggest drawcard for men, while a good workplace culture was more important to women.
Asked what they most wanted to improve about their workplace, employees' top gripes were "systems and processes" (41 per cent), communication (39 per cent), and rewards and recognition (38 per cent).
Only 40 per cent were happy in their job, 45 per cent were planning to look for another within the next year, and only 33 per cent would recommend their employer.
Human Resources Institute of New Zealand national president Catherine Taylor was not surprised by the findings, having seen similar figures in other recent reports.
She agreed employers needed to look beyond salary if they wanted to reduce staff turnover.
"These days, you can definitely see far more legwork being put into making working hours flexible around employees."
Employers Chamber of Commerce HR consultant Debbie Yates said movie tickets and dinner vouchers could be all that was needed to reward good workers and ensure they felt valued.
By Jamie Morton | Email Jamie
PS: just to give you an idea why Google is a dream employer check out their working environments here or here or here
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Friday, September 16, 2011
Thoughts to ponder...
‘You don’t drown by falling into water, you drown by staying there.’ ...........Edwin Lowes Cole
"I'm perfect just the way I am. I love myself now, not when I'm perfect, not when I am successful but right NOW... or I'll waste my whole life waiting for that time!".......Unknown
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Thursday, September 8, 2011
Rugby World Cup Kicks off in NZ Today
I have not thought of Rugby for almost five years. I remember the many evenings when my ex hosted parties (or made me host parties) for the boys to watch rugby at home for those that have decided they'd rather be in the comfort of a living room in front of a big TV screen that captures every moment of the game rather than sit outside in the cold especially during the wet and chilly months of winter! If their wives weren't always there to give me a hand I reckon I would not have managed to cope with all that testosterone around me or the noise they made for each try the All Blacks managed to convert as they fleetingly turn into rowdy little boys instead of the old supposed to be mature guys they were!
Although preparation for the event has started a long time ago, the RWC fever started to build up just a few weeks ago if I base it on what I've heard and seen from people around me. The excitement and anticipation I am seeing is proof to what we can do for something that we consider vital to our lives. I thought if we could only be as fervent in other areas of our lives and our community; what a difference it would make. If this dedication Kiwis have to their sport can be translated to dedication for education, for love within the family, for respect to our love ones and those we work with and play with, for our spiritual lives (for those who believe there is a Higher Power), NZ could really be the slice of paradise that we have come to believe it is.
I am not a big Rugby fan and I will not invest my time nor money to religiously watch a match but I have been happy watching the games once in a while in the past. So for what it embodies at the very moment as it kicks off today and that it proves to me there is good in everyone, I'd like to give just like most of us here in NZ my support to the All Blacks.
¤*¨¨*¤.¸¸ ...¸.¤\
Although preparation for the event has started a long time ago, the RWC fever started to build up just a few weeks ago if I base it on what I've heard and seen from people around me. The excitement and anticipation I am seeing is proof to what we can do for something that we consider vital to our lives. I thought if we could only be as fervent in other areas of our lives and our community; what a difference it would make. If this dedication Kiwis have to their sport can be translated to dedication for education, for love within the family, for respect to our love ones and those we work with and play with, for our spiritual lives (for those who believe there is a Higher Power), NZ could really be the slice of paradise that we have come to believe it is.
I am not a big Rugby fan and I will not invest my time nor money to religiously watch a match but I have been happy watching the games once in a while in the past. So for what it embodies at the very moment as it kicks off today and that it proves to me there is good in everyone, I'd like to give just like most of us here in NZ my support to the All Blacks.
¤*¨¨*¤.¸¸ ...¸.¤\
\...ALL BLACKS....\
.\¸.¤*¨¨*¤ .¸¸.¸.¤*
..\
☻/
/▌
/ \ Rugby World Cup 2011 !!!
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Crippled by Unwanted Kindness
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day he saw a small opening in the cocoon. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and could go no further… so, the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But, it had a swollen body, and small shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly, because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly.
What he had done in his well intentioned kindness and haste and what he did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If nature allowed us to go through our lives without obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong, and we could never fly.
He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But, it had a swollen body, and small shriveled wings. He continued to watch the butterfly, because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly.
What he had done in his well intentioned kindness and haste and what he did not understand, was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes, struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If nature allowed us to go through our lives without obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong, and we could never fly.
Anonymous....
I found the above short story floating around online and somehow touched a chord in my heart. How often do we try and pick up the pieces for those around us believing we are helping them or we are doing what's right for them. Yet sometimes our good intentions are the very reasons they never grow, never mature, never change because we have taken away from them their chance and right to be the strong person they were meant to become......
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